you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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