I puked a lego.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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