i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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