your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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