what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
