It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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