So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
did you just send me my own nude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
