I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we should paint friendship bongs
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