I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
