I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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