i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So apparently I’m into choking now
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