is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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