Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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