There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
