You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
