omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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