This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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