So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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