Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
