I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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