Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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