he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
