My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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