weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
