She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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