Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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