dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
