Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
