you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
