I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
