Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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