I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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