Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
