Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
