I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my being single is dangerous.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
