So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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