I have demons in me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
