Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck appropriateness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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