Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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