Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
