God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
