I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
