the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
