remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
