One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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