i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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