i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
