she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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