SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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