I wish my penis had an off switch
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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