So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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