I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
