No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
