my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize