please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
