Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
