I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
