I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wear drunk well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
