u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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