Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
