Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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