y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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