The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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