I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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