is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
