She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
