If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
