What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
