Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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