Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
