no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
