Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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