Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
