so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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