Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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