The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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