i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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