I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
