He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
