Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
